What I have learned doing ministry with my hubby (and baby)

My husband has been involved in youth ministry for close to 18 years, starting with music and youth ministry while in seminary college and continuing as a brother with the Franciscan friars and as a teacher as a campus minister and youth minister at a West Bank parish. 

While dating, Matthew’s ministry was his own. I was a spectator and supporter.  When we got married and moved to Abita Springs, he landed the youth ministry position at our church parish.

We discerned together taking on this ministry, and he encouraged my participation when I was unable to see how my gifts could benefit any ministry. 

Two years later,  youth and now music ministry with my spouse and a 2-year-old has been a learning experience Here are a few lessons that God taught me in ministry that I now apply to my marriage and as a mother: 

Encouragement.
When we first started singing together, it was evident we learned to sing differently –  I in a choir, and Matthew leading worship.

It was very messy in the beginning, and I’d be upset if we didn’t practice. While leading music, if Matthew screwed up I would step back from the microphone and let him fail with no assistance from me. I’m not proud of that. But, I realized a little encouragement and assistance goes a long way. 

I later learned to hum songs we were about to sing, loud enough for him to hear, but not the congregants, to help Matthew hit the right note.  It’s my duty as Matthew’s wife to help, encourage and to use my gifts to help him.   

Laughter.
When we began working together, especially in music ministry, I didn’t have a sense of humor, especially when I let myself to be vulnerable.

My husband, a goofy person, played a trick on me one day. During a rehearsal, he kept replacing the lyrics with his own. He laughed, and I advised he probably shouldn’t do that. In adoration, we began the song and Matthew again sang his own lyrics. We both looked at each other and laughed into the microphone.  God was teaching me that it was OK to make mistakes, even in front of others.

Perspective.
This has been a hard lesson to learn, but one where I recognized ministry isn’t about me but the teens in our youth group; the people who come to holy hour while we sing.

We are giving our gifts to the Lord while ministering to his people, in the midst of the messiness of life. Putting a disagreement I might be having with Matthew on the shelf to do ministry is difficult, but keeping things in perspective is helpful. I have prayed for assistance in keeping my ministry commitment. In times when I didn’t feel like serving but served anyway, God has blessed me with such peace.

Prayer.
Practicing music in preparation for Holy Hour or a youth group activity makes for a better experience. But I’ve come to admit, I am a sinner who needs God’s grace to participate in ministry.  Humility, prayer, intercessory prayer and asking for prayers have been instrumental in our success. 

Vulnerability.
It’s easy to minister from the sidelines.  It wasn’t until Matthew and I were singing during adoration when the Lord revealed a truth to me while I was sheepishly singing into the microphone, afraid I was going to make a mistake. To follow God’s will, to be a disciple of Christ, I was called to be vulnerable, to put aside my fear, to take a step forward and sing into the microphone. I know I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, I miss a beat or hold a note too long.  But I’m learning a willingness to be imperfect in ministry.

Kristen Bourgeois is a wife and mother who grew up in New York and now calls New Orleans home. She was a police detective for 15 years investigating crimes. She currently assists her husband with youth ministry at St. Jane de Chantal and works at Camp Abbey. Kristen had a conversion while a detective and seeks to help working parents find peace in our chaotic world. Hearing God’s voice and finding ways to pray are passions of Kristen’s. She loves to discover a new chaplet or prayer app and share the Good News! She loves adventure, traveling on horseback, glamping, puppies and watching “Phineas and Ferb” episodes.

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