To college and beyond: Surviving the first year

By Kim Roberts 
Clarion Herald

Tell me your youngest child is home from her first year of college, without telling me she’s home. Well, at my house, it has been about a month, and there are still big blue packing bags piled up in the guest room – finally moved them up from the living room. 

The number of shoes lying around the living room and entryway is staggering. The pantry door is constantly cracked open, and there is a never-ending pile of dorm supplies still lying on the dining room table, waiting to be packed up for the next school year.

Also – and this is a big one – my heart has not been this full in a long time. Last year, at this time, I was in such denial that my last child was leaving for college. I was sadly counting down the days until my husband and I were, and I dread saying this, “empty-nesters.” I truly did not know how I was going to get through that first year of her leaving us to go to college.

But, here I am, I lived to tell the tale. We made it. It was rough going for a while – a long while. I have to admit I did feel lost for many months without a child in the house, but my husband and I did it. It was not easy some days, but we made it through the bad days and rejoiced in the good days.

What have I Iearned during this first year of being an empty-nester? First, it is an inevitable circumstance of being a parent. Your children will move out.

We don’t see it when we are in the thick of it, while we are raising our children and involved in the day-to-day happenings like homework and after-school activities, meals and home life. Some days we are just trying to survive and are not thinking at all about what it will be like when all of the children have moved out and everything is eerily quiet. But, here we are, and it is surprisingly OK.

Second, the year went by quicker than I expected. It really did. While it was touch-and-go in the beginning, my husband and I found a routine, and the sad days became fewer and fewer after several months. Luckily, our daughter was nice enough to text or call me every day to let me know she was OK or provide me with “proof of life,” as my husband likes to say. That little token of kindness on her part did make it easier for me to handle her being out of the house and feel connected to her on a daily basis.

Third, I learned that I could still be part of her life even if she didn’t live in the same house. I was so grateful to be included in decisions she was making and issues she was dealing with while at school. Those discussions meant the world to me and kept a connection open between us that I thought might disappear when she moved out.

I know she did not consult me on every little thing that was happening in her college life, but to be included in anything was a gift. It brought me such peace of mind.

Also, I have to say, my older two children were kind enough to do the same when they went to college to ease the transition. Let’s face it, we want our children to go to college, but the separation is tough on us mamas.

Fourth, having my grown daughter home from her first year of college is such a gift. We are at a new place in our relationship. She left for school, in my eyes still as my little girl needing her mom to help her through each day, to advise her and make sure she ate the right foods and took her vitamins and got enough sleep.

She returned home, an independent woman, able to care for herself, make her own decisions and take care of her own needs. Wow, that was tough to admit! But, you better believe I am making sure she is eating right, taking vitamins, getting enough sleep, putting gas in her car, washing her clothes, etc., while she is at home for the summer. I mean, she will always be my baby and I will always be her mom. She deserves a little pampering when she is at home for summer break. 

Cheers to all the empty-nesters out there. 

Enjoy your children while they are home for the summer. I know I am.

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