Teaching our children there is the sin of silence

While helping my children prepare for confirmation, “The Penny Catechism” sparked a great discussion. One of the questions we were reviewing asked, “In how many ways may we either cause or share the guilt of another’s sin?”

The book listed nine ways: by counsel, by command, by consent, by provocation, by praise or flattery, by concealment, by being a partner in the sin, by silence and by defending the ill done.

Most of them weren’t surprising. It was easy to see how telling someone to steal would be sinful. Helping a friend hide or defend a sin wouldn’t be right. Praising sin is obviously wrong. But the one that really made us pause and carefully reflect was silence.

We can cause or share in the guilt of another’s sin when we remain silent.

At first, that didn’t seem fair. We aren’t telling them they should sin or that we think sin is OK. Why can’t we choose to stay out of it?

I could see the wheels turning in my children’s minds. Eventually, we circled back to a previous question about the spiritual works of mercy.

It is a work of mercy to instruct the ignorant. As harsh as the word “ignorant” sounds, it simply means that the person is lacking knowledge or awareness. Sometimes, the people we care about need help in understanding that something is sinful and wrong. These days, it’s not uncommon for sin to be normalized, but the truth is, being considered “normal” by the world doesn’t make an action right.

If we are aware that something is dangerous to the soul, it is an act of mercy to share the truth in love.

Of course, there will also be times when people already are aware that their choices are sinful. They know what they are doing is wrong, and they are deciding to do it anyway. Sometimes, it’s because they feel like they don’t have another choice. Other times, they don’t agree with the church on the severity or even the presence of sin. In situations like this, it is a work of mercy to help convert the sinner.

At this point, I paused to remind my kids that this is never about throwing stones. If we aren’t careful with our words, these spiritual works of mercy can come across as holier-than-thou. The goal is not only to change our friends’ minds but also their hearts, so we must choose our words carefully, speaking the truth with kindness and charity.

We are all sinners, even if another person’s current struggle looks different than mine. We must keep that in mind, embracing humility as we help each other get to heaven.

As we ended our discussion, I acknowledged how hard it is to speak up in these moments. We all get scared that our attempts to help will get twisted and cause more harm than good. This is why a strong prayer life and trust in the Lord are invaluable.

Before breaking the silence, ask the Holy Spirit for guidance.

God knows that we won’t be able to change the heart and mind of everyone we know who is struggling with sin. Still, as Catholics, we must not neglect our responsibility to speak the truth in love while also confidently placing our trust in God to handle it from there.

Jenny Dendinger is a Louisiana native who married her high school sweetheart, Buddy, after he stole her heart at their neighborhood bus stop over 20 years ago. She currently spends her days perpetually reheating her coffee while clinging to Mama Mary for help as she homeschools their five children. Because big family life is always full of surprises, she is a firm believer in the vital refreshment that results from continuing to date her husband. She is also known to appreciate the comfort of her daddy’s Monday night red beans, the thrill of hunting for treasure at garage sales and the satisfaction of a sweet victory on family game night. While her house has all the familiar traits of a homeschooling family – hopelessly messy and overflowing with books – her favorite lessons involve putting aside their formal work and going beyond the walls of their home to put their faith into action. Even though it isn’t always easy, Jenny constantly strives to live simply, speak truthfully, give generously and pray unceasingly.