St. Paul’s admonition for married love truly hits home

By Macie Capote
Clarion Herald

As a newlywed, I am so often asked questions like, “How’s married life?” and, “Is it everything you thought it would be?” And while the questions come so frequently, I seldom think about them in depth. As I ponder them, though, the answers aren’t exactly black and white.

In our six months of marriage, there are many revelations I have already had about my husband. I’ve learned that he is stubborn, because he believes his way will be the best for my well-being. I’ve learned that he always has to have a musical instrument in his hands, because it clears his mind. I’ve learned that his love language is not flashy, but subtle. I’ve learned he doesn’t like to try new things, because “why add something when I am happy with what I have now?” The list could go on and on. 

I have also learned many things about myself. I find it hard to relinquish control and let someone else take the reins. My mind can be compared to a hamster perpetually running on its wheel, which in turn often leads me to overthink. My love language is not being able to be in a different room than my husband when he is home. Oh, and I love trying new things. 

Growing up I never imagined the sacrifices and compromises a couple makes for one another. I never imagined all of the conversations and how much time it would take to fully adjust to sharing your life, or rather, giving your life, to someone you love. For someone like me, who loves to do things her way, it is tough for me to submit to my husband as Christ has commanded us to do. Ephesians 5:22-24 reads: “Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.”

While it seems like a tall order to submit to someone’s authority as a wife, I do believe husbands have it just as hard. The passage in Ephesians continues, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

While we are called to submit to our husbands, as the Church submits to Christ, husbands are called to lay their lives down for us, just as Christ did.

Recently, the well-known passage in the book of 1 Corinthians was proclaimed again to me: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Then we were challenged to replace the word “love” with our name. Boy, was that hard-hitting! 
Macie is not always patient and kind. Macie often insists on her own way, and God knows she is irritable at times. 

Just as marriage reflects the Church’s relationship with Jesus, I am constantly reminded of God’s grace, patience and nurturing nature through my husband. My husband is patient and kind to me, even when I am not, just as the Lord is so patient and longsuffering toward all of us.
While marriage is not exactly everything I thought it would be, it is so much more than anything I hoped it would be. Marriage is a beautiful resemblance of our relationship with our God. Marriage teaches you how to love more like Jesus. Marriage, if done following the model St. Paul lays out in Ephesians, is a perfect example of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

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