Routine is king when getting kids back to school

What are some of the biggest challenges families face as they prepare for the school year?
    

We’re still not certain about whether schools are going to be “full-time” on campus, using a hybrid model or will be totally at home. One thing is to acknowledge the uncertainty that that creates in the parents. Certainly that affects the child, because the child wants to know what to do. The hardest thing for children is a loss of routine, and the younger the child or the more special needs the child has, the more important routine is.

 

That has been upended a lot. It’s important for the parent to know that their anxiety about this is transmitted to the child. We would like for parents to take the attitude that Churchill had during World War II: “Look, you’re going to get through this. You’re going to be OK. I don't know all the details now. I don't exactly know how, but mom and dad and you are going to get through this.” Assuring them that even when we don’t know what the situation is or that it varies week by week, you can say, “We are going to get through it. You’re going to get back to normal school, but we don’t know when.”
    

Will children normally verbalize their anxiety?
    

This is another important point. When children are anxious, a lot of them don’t say, “I'm nervous about my future” or “I'm upset about losing my routine.” That anxiety shows up in their irritability or in a bit more defiance or being pouty or withdrawn. That’s something to take into account and evaluate those behaviors, not as business as usual but in the context of this global upheaval that we, and certainly the child, all feel.

 

They’re going to show it in behavior. So, I would stay away from criticizing the child or thinking or responding with the usual disciplinary techniques. Try to speak more and talk more with them. If there are some transgressions – minor things – maybe give them a minute in timeout. Routines are the things that are really, really, really important.
    

How does a child’s response differ depending on his or her age or development?
    

Let’s say the child is a year or 2 old. The child is still enmeshed with the family, not depending on the outside, mirroring just what the parent does. When the child is separated from the parents in early elementary school – in kindergarten, first, second, third grade – they are dependent on teachers, and they like to be with their friends and they feel that (separation from their friends) as loss. That is really important. The young ones – those in first through fourth grades – disorganize more quickly when they lose their routine. And the more special needs they may have, the more important it is that the routine be followed. 
    

What about middle schoolers?
    

Middle schoolers want their friends again, and that’s even more important. Family loses importance, and friends gain importance along the developmental trajectory. By the time you’re an adolescent, friends are really part of the self and they’re very, very important. For kids in middle school – if they are totally at home – I would try to arrange, if possible, safe get-togethers with kids whose families you know are responsible. I would promote those brief social interactions, and then, whenever you get together, outside is better than inside. 
    

You’ve talked about rhythms and routines. Could you be more specific?
    

No matter what the school platform is, routine and schedule are really, really important. I would emphasize that fact for kids throughout the 12 years (of school) and also for all adults. Parents are going to have a hard time getting their kids into a regular, day-night schedule because a lot of kids have been staying up all night gaming and then sleeping until 12 o’clock.

 

It’s going to be very important to regulate their body, their circadian rhythm –  the body clock – so that they’re alive and awake in the morning and able to participate in a school day, whether it is virtual or real. Daylight is really important.

You've heard of SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder – which is prominent in the Nordic countries and is prominent in the winter here. We’re seeing a lot of SAD now because people are staying totally inside. If you can’t get outside – if you’re old, frail, vulnerable – at least sit by a window. Morning light is the best light of the day.
    

Is there any negative impact on kids seeing so many people wearing face coverings?
    

Again, you explain this to them and explain why the masks are being used. Children can accept and understand most things when they know why. You can make a game out of it, if you want – play peek-a-boo. The children will be smarter than some of our governors!
    

Any other reassuring thoughts?
    

Don’t be nervous about your child’s regression. See it in the context of what is going on. I’m talking to all my patients about this. Give yourself a break here. One thing parents really can and should do is just read to their kids a lot. Read anything.  
    

Dr. Elmore Rigamer is a psychiatry specialist at Mercy Family Center. He can be reached at [email protected]. Rigamer is available to speak to parish or school groups concerning healthy ways to respond to the pandemic.