Retreat to examine spiritual struggles with infertility

By Peter Finney Jr.
Clarion Herald

When Ann Koshute of Pennsylvania and her husband struggled with infertility, the crushing reality of not being able to conceive clashed with their devout Catholic faith.

“It was very difficult, because we were faithful Catholics,” Koshute said. “I married a little later in life, so I knew that we would probably have some difficulty conceiving. We prayed all during our engagement and in our marriage, and to not have this particular dream fulfilled, to not receive this blessing, was very hard and also very confusing for us. It was, ‘Why us? Why is this happening?’”

Koshute was at a conference at the John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family in Washington, D.C., when she reconnected with a friend from graduate school – Kimberly Henkel – who shared that she was also struggling with infertility.

“That was the first time I had spoken to another woman who was also going through what I was,” Koshute said. “Just to hear from someone who was feeling many of the things I was feeling and feeling isolated and alone, I felt less isolated.”

Aug. 27 retreat on tap

Those conversations and the sense that there were not many resources for Catholic women regarding infertility led to the creation of a Catholic blog and website, and in 2018 to the launch of an infertility ministry called Springs in the Desert (www.springsinthedesert.org).

Koshute will be in New Orleans Aug. 27 to lead a “Retreat for Women in a Season of Infertility,” from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. (with Mass at 8 a.m.) at St. Pius X Parish, 6666 Spanish Fort Blvd., New Orleans. The retreat is sponsored by the archdiocesan Office of Marriage and Family Life.

As the website gained traction, women struggling with infertility became blog contributors, Koshute said, adding to the broader conversation and also helping themselves.

“They see that as a way that they find healing as well,” Koshute said. “So, in contributing to this ministry, we find that we receive a lot of healing because it’s a way of being fruitful. Ultimately, that’s what we want. We want to fulfill this call from God for us to be fruitful.”

Infertility is a common issue

Koshute said statistics show that 1 in 8 couples struggles with infertility. She says the ministry is not designed to help couples conceive.

“We like to say our focus is on Christ, not on conception,” Koshute said. “Our ministry is not focused on helping people to get pregnant per se. We’re not a place to come for medical advice or diets. We want to be that spiritual accompaniment as people are walking this path, wherever they are on that path.”

Koshute dubbed the ministry “Springs in the Desert” to combat the common notion that the desert is a vast, barren, lifeless place.

“That’s very much the experience that we have as we’re in this struggle,” she said. “We feel dry. We feel as though there’s no possibility for life to come from us. And, it feels like a never-ending struggle. But the spring is, first of all, Jesus Christ, because he’s the one who animates our life and can bring, out of this dryness and feelings of despair, springs of new life within our marriage in how we witness to fidelity in the midst of what is a really big obstacle.”

Those springs of life, Koshute said, can be reflected in the couple’s community, church parish and extended family.

“Sometimes we don’t consider the ways we are life-giving. But they all matter,” she said.

Although this retreat is designed for women, Koshute said more and more men are coming with their wives to virtual events hosted by the ministry. The group follows the teaching of the church, especially with regard to things such as reproductive technologies.

“We very much understand that that desire to have a child is so strong and the culture puts a lot of pressure on us – even our family and friends do,” Koshute said. “There can be this war of what seems like a quick fix or an easy fix with some of these interventions. People dealing with infertility can be very vulnerable to false promises. We just want to be there with women or with a couple who come to us with those questions.”

Koshute said adoption is “not a fix for infertility.”

“It is a very personal discernment and it is a calling, and it’s a beautiful one,” she said. “But adoption doesn’t fix infertility.”

Koshute said any woman who is struggling with infertility is invited to the retreat.

“You will be among friends, you will be with other women who understand what it feels like to feel that isolation,” she said. “We want to be there to walk with you when you come.”

Cost of the retreat is $15, which includes a light breakfast and lunch. To register, go to www.springsinthedesert.org/nola.

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