Red Bird grief ministry helps parents with loss of a child

By Christine Bordelon
Clarion Herald

Where does someone turn when their spouse or their child dies? In the Archdiocese of New Orleans, there are several parish grief ministries available, especially for loss of a spouse. But, the newest, Red Bird Ministries, began at Our Lady of the Lake in Mandeville in 2021 to help parents cope with loss of a child. Three other parish chapters have followed, with additional ones coming soon.

“It’s long overdue,” said Jewell Bayhi, who coordinates grief ministry for the Archdiocese of New Orleans’ Office of Marriage and Family Life and serves as an advocate to help parishes establish Red Bird chapters. Bayhi also is retreat and events coordinator at the Archdiocese of New Orleans Retreat Center.

“People definitely need somewhere they can feel comfortable being with people who understand the grief and the pain,” she said. “I meet people every day in this ministry. The suffering they are going through – they are devastated.”
Founders offered solace
Bayhi knows Red Bird’s impact on someone who is grieving. Five years ago, her son was killed in an accident while doing hurricane relief work in Florida. While looking with a friend for a grief ministry specifically for the loss of a child, they happened upon the newly established Catholic nonprofit “Red Bird” out of Breaux Bridge, Louisiana.

Bayhi joined the community, originally founded by Kelly and Ryan Breaux, who were coping with a miscarriage and then the loss of twins within five years of their birth.

The name of the ministry “Red Bird” was inspired by the song “The Red Bird Flies,” written by a group of musicians that the Breauxs knew. When the couple heard the lyrics – which encourages people to always remember a loved one when they see red bird flying – they knew it suited their ministry to remember a deceased child. St. Mother Teresa is the ministry’s patron saint.

While Red Bird began as a meeting place for couples sharing their loss of a child, it has grown into a ministry with professional counselors, spiritual directors and support groups that help anyone who has lost a loved one. Today, there are chapters in California, Florida, Indiana, Kansas, Louisiana, Ohio and Michigan.

Red Bird’s website is full of resources such as blogs, podcasts and testimonials. The online support groups are separated by type of loss to help individuals “feel they are not alone” while experiencing the stages of grief. Day and night workshops and retreats for men and women are also held throughout the year.

“When I came to the Restored Grieving Mothers Retreat, I was broken, bitter, angry and barely participating in my faith,” said Amber Hess of Cincinnati. “My marriage was truly on the rocks, and our whole family life was suffering because of my anger. Being at this retreat allowed me to process, accept and learn tools to manage all of the feelings that come with grief and, most of all, to know that I’m not alone. … I felt so at home here, and the women all radiated so much love. I learned about surrender, uniting our sufferings to Christ and so much more. It still hurts that I’ve lost my babies, but I know that God loves me and that I’ll never quite understand things this side of heaven. I have a renewed sense of using my suffering and experiences to help others in similar situations. Red Bird Ministries saved my life.”

New Orleans area has chapters
In the archdiocese, Red Bird held a Mother’s retreat in September at Lumen Christi and plans a Dad’s retreat in December at Lumen Christi.

Bayhi said Red Bird has been a blessing in her life, too.

“It has definitely helped me find peace and healing, especially the Red Bird Mother’s retreat,” Bayhi said. “I’ve been to four in the past four or five years. It’s very powerful, and you are totally surrounded by women who feel the same way. That’s why I like to share it. It’s hard to find someone to understand that grief is not just for one month or one year. No one can tell you how to grieve. When you are with people who understand and speakers who understand a loss, it makes a difference.”

When she started the first chapter, Bayhi said it took a while to take off since people are often reluctant to show emotion in public. Now, an average of as many as 15 couples attend Red Bird’s 1 1/2-hour meetings that include prayer, a speaker, reflection question and sharing. Her workshops are also packed, something that still amazes her.

She said sometimes people who have lost a child attend and are so angry and struggle to get beyond the hurt.

“We can’t fix anything, but people come because they need the support here.”

Grief is so prevalent nationwide that Bayhi has become a frequent speaker and workshop presenter at Catholic conferences beyond New Orleans.

She said she prays and “gives it to God because I know all these people need help. It’s something I do to help others get through this.”

For her passion to help others, Bayhi will receive the “Advocate of the Year” award from Red Bird on Nov. 19, and the Archdiocese of New Orleans will be recognized for the most growth in membership in a year.

Bayhi’s goal is to establish Red Bird chapters in all 10 Archdiocese of New Orleans’ deaneries. Current chapters are at St. Benilde, 1901 Division St., Metairie (meets the second Wednesday monthly at 7 p.m. in the parish office);  St. Luke, 1910 Cross Gates Blvd., and St. Margaret Mary, 1050 Robert Blvd., Slidell; and the Archdiocese of New Orleans Retreat Center (meets the second and fourth Tuesdays monthly at 6:30 p.m.). Bayhi leads Our Lady of the Lake’s chapter meeting on the second Thursday monthly in the cafeteria. A chapter is forming in the River Parishes.

 “We may try for more since some of the deaneries such as St. Tammany and West Bank are spread out,” she said.

Kelly Breaux has written several books, including “Lenten Journal: I Am Beloved Not Broken.” This past Lent, the Archdiocese of New Orleans held a six-session workshop delving into this book and will do it again the first week of Lent 2023. Breaux’s latest – with a chapter from her husband – is  “Hiding in the Upper Room: How the Catholic Sacraments Healed Me from the Grief of Child Loss.”

The ministry relies on volunteers. For help or to volunteer, visit www.redbird.love or email [email protected] Check out the Nov. 19 gala in Lafayette.

Locally, call Bayhi at (985) 778-6277, (504) 330-5975. Red Bird’s website is also a resource for those grieving to find people to talk to: Redbird.love.

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