Men ‘crashing and burning’ with lust have a lifeline

    Jimmy isn’t his real name, but there is a purpose behind the confidentiality. Jimmy facilitates the My House Men’s Group that meets once a week in the Archdiocese of New Orleans to offer men addicted to pornography the vision, courage and armor to fight their raging and seemingly relentless internal war against lust.
    In a culture that feeds on and profits from weakness and sin, lust is a blockbuster vice. The untold human cost is staggering. Human trafficking destroys the lives of minors and women. Families, marriages and relationships shatter. Trust between husband and wife splinters, and the shards aren’t easy to piece together.
    Jimmy attended two men’s gatherings in the archdiocese about a year ago and heard Dan Spencer of Kansas City, the driving force in a 12-step Catholic program to help men overcome their pornography addiction. Although Jimmy wasn’t entrapped by pornography, he has spent a lifetime battling lust.
    “I could identify with that,” Jimmy said. “I knew there was a need for this ministry because impurity is usually the big kink in a man’s armor. When I heard Dan saying there were men out there crashing and burning and needed help, I thought, ‘Maybe I could help.’”
    At first, Jimmy thought he might be able to adapt and refocus his regular men’s Bible study into the fight against pornography. But as he read more about the 12-step program and the hidden addiction that has entrapped so many men, he knew he had to steer a different course.
    “I don’t know what made me step forward, but I couldn’t say no,” Jimmy said.
    After receiving the go-ahead to form the group, Jimmy was blown away by the response. Through word of mouth, a few bulletin announcements and a mention in the Clarion Herald, men ranging in age from their teens to their 60s have stepped forward because they have nowhere else to turn.
    They have tried everything in the past to fight porn, and porn had won.
    “Most of the time you see the emotion in their eyes and their voice,” Jimmy said. “Sometimes they’re at the end of their rope with their family, their wife and their children. Sometimes they’ve gotten an ultimatum. It’s just difficult to see men struggle. They really do. They don’t know if they can give this up for life. And that’s where the slogan – ‘one day at a time’ – comes into play. Sometimes it’s making the commitment to make it to noon, and then to night. It’s a great consolation.”
    The men who have attended have formed an accountability circle and challenge each other to spend more time in prayer and Scripture study. They also commit themselves to calling someone in the group once a day to ask a simple question: “How are you doing?”
    “We call it the 300-pound telephone because you can’t lift it,” Jimmy said. “But every man shares that after he’s made that call, he feels so good about himself that he gets back a hundredfold.”
    The program has been in existence in New Orleans for only 11 months, but some of the personal changes have been profound. One man wrote:
    “I am profoundly amazed how the Catholic Church moves. It has been criticized and blamed for so much in today’s society, including the abuse by priests and the subsequent cover-ups. I am one of the victims of a priest taking advantage of a young boy. That was 40 years ago.
    “The journey that ensued was uniquely my own. … I fell prey to various addictions, including lust. Once I identified it as a real problem that cannot be wished away, action was taken. I sought help as I could not fix it. … I have a long way to go, but I am not afraid anymore.”
    Another man wrote: “To me, this addiction is like an iceberg. Its size and weight are deceptive because 80 percent of it is below the surface. I have been screaming in my prayers for God to give me the grace to bring this knowledge of his healing to others because it has set me on fire even after only attending for a month. Sobriety has made me feel 10 times better than any day without sobriety ever did.”
    For confidential information on the My House Men’s Group, call (504) 430-3060 or e-mail [email protected].
    Peter Finney Jr. can be reached at [email protected].