Life today is so scary, we were never our kids’ age

    In 1972, when Edward Wakin and James DiGiacomo published a book on Christian parenting, they sought a title that would evoke for parents a sense of how much the world – and therefore the experience of adolescents – had changed since their own adolescence. The title they came up with? “We Were Never Their Age.”
    Since then, the pace of change in our society has increased exponentially. Just 10 years ago, “Facebook” was something you might have called a book of family photos, and “tweeting” was the exclusive province of birds. Now, not only have the meanings of those two words changed, but with the arrival of the Internet and the advent of social media – exemplified by Twitter, Facebook (which youth have now generally abandoned, in large part because their parents are embracing it), and Instagram – so have the ways that people relate to one another within and beyond families.
    “We were never their age” is now a severe understatement, as it is quite literally a different world from the one in which today’s parents grew up. It would be virtually impossible to overstate the significance and rapidity of the changes being wrought in the fabric of our society by these new media and their underlying technologies. An old joke said, “If you need help programming your VCR, just ask your 10-year-old.” That was then; this is now. Today’s 10-year-old doesn’t even know what a VCR is because that device is a technological dinosaur.
Growing up so fast
    To complicate things further, technological advances and new social media are only part of the reason we were never their age. Doctors and researchers also point to developmental changes at the biological level. Young people today often experience the hormonal, psychological, physical and emotional changes of puberty at an earlier age than their parents did. Some attribute this earlier onset of puberty largely to the artificial growth hormones now often given to cattle – which, in turn, are passed on to those who consume milk or meat taken from such cattle.
    Whatever the reasons, today’s 10- and 11-year olds often must grapple with the challenges posed by an emerging awareness of their own and others’ sexuality – a whirlwind that previous generations did not generally encounter until perhaps age 12 or 13. This is a significant developmental shift, occurring in the midst of the technology-driven social changes just described.
    Onto this hormonal fire, throw the gasoline of what today’s youth are frequently exposed to via radio, television, magazines, the Internet, billboard ads and social media, and it becomes easy to understand why so many are confused and acting out sexually. Those confronting the challenges of parenting in this day and age might therefore do well to keep DiGiacomo’s and Wakin’s apt phrase running like a tape loop through their minds: “We were never their age.”
    This certainly does not mean that we ought not share with our children the wisdom gleaned from our own navigation of the waters of puberty. It does, however, mean that we must exercise great care in doing so, never underestimating the magnitude of the changes that have occurred since we swam those waters.
    In this Year of Family and Faith (and beyond), we must recognize the wisdom expressed in the Second Vatican Council’s exhortation to “read the signs of the times,” and adapt our communication of the faith accordingly. The Council stated clearly that it is not the essence of the Gospel message that must change, but rather the way(s) in which that message is communicated.
    Now more than ever, our communication with our children must be a dialogue rather than a monologue, for such is the nature of the social media that more and more dominate their lives. Without pretending to be their peers, we must creatively entice them to share with us how the world looks from their perspective, so that the timeless wisdom offered by our faith can gain traction in their world.
    People their age have never needed that wisdom more than they do now. As bewildering as the Twitterverse and the blogosphere may be to many of us, these are key elements of the world that our young people now inhabit. Our ability to communicate credibly and effectively with them about our faith likely hinges on our willingness to familiarize ourselves with such elements so that we can engage them on their own turf.
    There is no magic “how-to” for parents of a given young person who desire to do this. However, as believers and parents of children that we love dearly, we must recognize the urgency of making the effort. If we persist in asking the Holy Spirit to show us how, I am convinced that the God who loves us all will help us find the best way to reach those he has placed in our care.
    The key word in all of this – as in all things Christian – is “love.” If our children are convinced that we love them, they will be able to forgive our clumsiness in navigating the landscape of their world, for they will sense the love that motivates our efforts.
    Walter Bonam is associate director of evangelization and catechumenate (RCIA) for the Office of Religious Education; [email protected].