Let’s pray the wild blue yonder doesn’t get any wilder

    Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is 49 and worth $27.2 billion. In scriptural terms, that’s lots and lots of talents.
    When little Jeff was 3, he was crafty enough to disassemble his own crib, a real-life example of the more recent computer-generated image of the infant in the crib pleading his case against the unreasonable mother who takes away his tablet computer for conduct unbecoming a young Wall Street maven.
    You remember that commercial: “I’m in a timeout, because, apparently, riding the dog like it’s a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment! Luckily, though, you know, I concealed this bad boy underneath my blanket, just so I could get on E*TRADE and check my investment portfolio, research stocks. (His mom walks in and confiscates his tablet.) Hey, what are you taking! … Oh, I see … solitary! Just a man and his thoughts (then, whipping out an iPhone concealed under another blanket) and a smartphone with an E*TRADE app! ‘Nobody knows (the trouble I’ve seen)…’”
    Bezos is one incredibly precocious day-laborer.
    He graduated from Princeton University and wrote out the business plan for Amazon during a cross-country drive from the East to the West Coast in 1994. The Internet was exploding, and Bezos abandoned his lucrative job as a hedge-fund trader and dreamed of starting a company that could ship books to people 24/7 at lower cost.
    Amazon could do it more efficiently and cheaply in part because of a loophole in federal law that allowed an Internet provider to forego charging customers sales tax on orders in states in which the company did not have a physical headquarters.
    Bezos wisely chose to launch his bricks-and-mortar company in Seattle – actually, he started in the garage of his house – because Washington state’s populace, while very well-read, was only a tiny fraction of Amazon’s potential customers in the other 49 states.
    Of such untapped ideas and skilled execution are Steve Jobs and Bill Gates formed.
    Recently on “60 Minutes,” Bezos pulled off the kind of marketing coup that would have made even Apple or Microsoft blush. During his free, 20-minute infomercial, Bezos trumpeted Amazon’s growth as an example of the power of doing everything possible to satisfy customers – selling products at low or even “losing” margins in order to build consumer loyalty over the long haul, because the next big thing is, well, right around the next cloud.
    Literally.
    With a marketing flourish worthy of Geraldo Rivera opening Al Capone’s vault, Bezos unlocked a door and led CBS correspondent Charlie Rose by the hand into Amazon’s “secret” testing laboratory for the next big thing – “Amazon Prime Air” – which is delivery of packages (five or fewer pounds) by robotically operated drones, guaranteed at your door within 30 minutes.
    This all seemed like an episode right out of “The Jetsons,” where George, Jane, daughter Judy and the Jetsons’ “boy Elroy” fly hither and yon, press a button to collapse their winged chariot into a briefcase and revel in a life of incredibly instant gratification.
    The Jetsons first appeared in 1962 – two years before Bezos was born – but there are troubling implications in having thousands of commercial missiles being lobbed over our heads – beyond the obvious air safety and privacy concerns. Certainly, not many would appreciate it if the battery-operated drone leaks a little lithium, loses power and becomes a 15-pound bowling ball careening earthward from 500 feet. And you thought firing a pistol into the air on New Year’s Eve was dangerous!
    There are even reports that Amazon could use its devices to snap pictures – hey, what’s a few more pictures among Facebook friends? – in order to send customers a supply alert: “Dear Madam, It looks like you’re a little low on your charcoal briquets. Time to reorder!”
    We know God sees everything – after all, his eye is on the sparrow – but aren’t we adding just a bit much to his job description?
    And what does it say about our culture that the click of a button can bring a fully cooked two-pound pot roast and a side of potatoes to the front door in 30 minutes? Isn’t that why God invented microwaves?
    As for me, when it positively, absolutely has to get there overnight, I am placing my faith in FedEx, and I don’t mind seeing what brown can do for me.
    Other than that, I will work to nurture the cardinal virtue of temperance. I will pray for patience and moderation. I will conduct a solid examination of conscience and prayerfully reflect on my priorities. After all, drones included, nothing is faster than knee-mail.
    Peter Finney Jr. can be reached at [email protected].