Interest in helping poor brought couple together

Their penchant for helping the underserved brought them together, and it’s the common bond that Bob and Dee Mauss still share after 15 years of marriage.

Today, the couple works for Catholic Charities Archdiocese of New Orleans –  Bob in money management for the chronically mentally ill and Dee as activities coordinator for PACE.

How they met

Bob, 63, a former Divine Word brother, is the oldest of 10 children from a farming family in Iowa, where he learned to work with others for a common cause. As a young seminarian in 1969, he worked with Dorothy Day’s Catholic Worker and was a missionary overseas in Timor, Indonesia.

When he returned to the states, he worked in Bay St. Louis, Miss., and then landed in New Orleans 22 years ago to establish a food bank at St. Augustine Church in New Orleans. He also started a food bank at St. Mary of the Angels.

While at St. Augustine in 1992, he encountered Dee, a native New Orleanian, through a mutual client she was helping at St. Peter Claver Church’s social apostolate.

“We were checking each other’s cases out over the phone,” he said.

Dee, 53, said Bob spent time with her on the phone, which was helpful since she was new on the job.

“When I hung up the phone, I said to myself that he is going to be a good friend; someone I could count on,” Dee said.

Their next meeting was at a black ministry leaders’ retreat in Bay St. Louis.

“I was sitting on the porch and I looked up and said, ‘Who is that?’” Dee said. “It looked to me like he was floating. I couldn’t get my eyes off this person. Then I realized, ‘Aw, it’s Brother Bob.’”

It didn’t take Dee long to realize how comfortable she was with Bob.

“I thought if I would ever marry, I wanted to marry someone like him,” she said.

After three years of friendship, she decided she was ready for marriage. She figured Bob wasn’t going to leave the brotherhood and told him she would be pursuing other relationships.

Bob thought he was in agreement with her decision.

“But my heart felt broken,” he said. “I wanted to marry this person. I didn’t feel comfortable not being married.”

He underwent spiritual direction and talked to his provincial before receiving a dispensation from the religious order. They married on Jan. 8, 1996, at St. Peter Claver Church.

Praying through rough spots

No marriage is without tribulations, but the fact that they are an interracial couple has never been one of them. Dee said she had initial concerns, but their families were supportive. Even Bob’s small town in Iowa embraced her.

“I come from a good Irish mother,” Bob said. “She only asked if she was Catholic.”

Both said their parents taught them about relationships. Bob’s parents have been married more than 50 years and displayed kindness and love.

“There was the faithfulness they had toward one another,” he said.

Dee’s parents were more demonstrative but had a strong practice of forgiveness and compassion.

“Both my parents have been very welcoming in their home, taking people in,” Dee said. “Even now, they take in nieces and nephews. I remember my mom feeding neighborhood kids, too, and my dad acting as a mentor for younger men he worked with.”

They also received marriage advice from priests. Former St. Augustine pastor Father Jerome Ledoux told Dee  never to raise her voice unless there is a fire.

“I can’t say that I always follow that, but it’s a good idea in marriage,” she said.

The late Franciscan Father Bart Pax, who prepared them for marriage, said never to stop talking.

“When I get angry, I have a tendency to withdraw,” Dee said.

“And, if you have a problem, keep it between the two of us,” Bob said. “We talk together rather than running to others. Then, of course, ‘Yes, Dear’ never hurts!”

“You have to think of what’s important – my way or the relationship,” Dee said. “Can I just let this one go? There has to be some give and take.”

Mauss’ said their routine of praying together morning and evening has helped weather the storms.

“When you pray together at night and stand before the Lord, you can’t be angry with your spouse,” she said.

Dee admits to being a little outspoken at times.

“Bob has a calming effect on me,” she said. “He says, ‘Dee, I think they got the message.’”

“But Dee keeps me on my toes,” Bob said. “She gives me strength and points out things in me that give me courage.”

Where they are today

The Mauss’ said their shared community interests keep them busy and have brought wonderful people in their lives. Both also are involved in anti-poverty issues through the Fourth World Movement and the Money Management Advocacy Council Icon (MMACI), and they sing in the choir at St. Augustine and have worked with All Congregations Together (ACT).

“Those were the kinds of things we found we liked to do together,” Bob said. “It is part of our spirituality to serve the underserved. A lot of the ministry we do involves developing relationships and working with people, caring about what they are doing and where they are going.”

Christine Bordelon can be reached at [email protected]