Inspiring wisdom of longtime married couples

Given the often-skewed statistics that marriages frequently end in divorce – actually, for couples practicing the Catholic faith, that percentage is drastically reduced – it’s no wonder engaged couples might be fearful of making a lifetime commitment to each other.

  
But on display June 11 at St. Philip Neri Church in Metairie were more than 200 couples married for at least 50 years, who renewed their wedding vows before Archbishop Gregory Aymond.
 
The archbishop told the couples that what they have to offer to young people is the sign that sacramental marriage is a loving, lifetime bond, no matter the trials and tribulations that each couple will face.
 
“We thank you for the love and the fidelity you have shown to one another and to God as a married couple,” Archbishop Aymond said. “We know that married life has many joys. We also know – and you know far better than I – that married life has some challenges at times. Together you have been faithful to one another in the good times and in the stormy times.
 
“You have been faithful to each other in times of fidelity and in times of weakness. You have been there for one another in those times when you were called to forgive your spouse – or perhaps yourself. You kept on going on those days of joy and the days of disappointment. You were there for each other in sickness and in health.”

Matrimony is believable
The archbishop told the jubilee couples that their living out married love “makes the sacrament of marriage believable today.”

“You make it credible to say to young couples to look to you as examples of what it means to live out marriage in the joys and the struggles,” he said. “In this day and age, it might be easier for young couples to give up, but they look at you and see your perseverance and your patience and your continued love.”

The archbishop asked the couples to stand and face each other as they renewed the marriage vows they took in 1967.

He said: “I hope you can hear Jesus saying, once again, ‘You are mine. As a couple, I love you. I vow to you that you will always be in my heart and that I am here for you every day. We are grateful that Jesus was present on your wedding day. We also rejoice that he is here today as you celebrate your anniversary.”

The Clarion Herald asked several anniversary couples to reflect on their married lives and what advice they might give to young people preparing for marriage:
 

Maria and Jim Lord

St. Clement of Rome, Metairie

Maria: “I think it’s just a lot about giving and patience. You have to be very understanding and not always have it your way. Our faith has kept us together. Make sure your marriage is built around faith.”

Jim: “It’s about faith, mostly – our religion. Once you take those vows, that’s the thing. You stay together.”

Lorraine and Willie Wallace Jr.

Our Lady of Grace, Reserve

Lorraine: “We knew each other from high school and college days. I tell everybody, I took a page out of Kenny Rogers’ book: ‘You gotta know when to hold ‘em; know when to fold ‘em; know when to walk away; know when to run!’”   

Willie: “We knew each other in high school, but we really didn’t connect until after we finished college. I would say communication plays a big part in having a successful marriage. You should be able to talk about the issues and any problems or differences you may have and try to solve these issues or problems.”

Marlene and Henry Steele

St. Bernard, St. Bernard

Marlene: “We met in high school. He’s the rock. 

Henry: “The important thing is trust. We don’t fib to each other. She’s my soulmate. She’s the picker-upper. I would tell young couples to have patience. You can’t bail out when something goes wrong. You’ve gotta stick together because it will get better.”

Carol and Kirby Naquin

Divine Mercy, Kenner

(Married 60 years)

Carol: “I met him when I was 13 years old. He came around with someone who was with my girlfriend, and we just dated, and right before I turned 18, I had graduated from Redemptorist High School, and he was in the service. When we got married, I went to Norfolk, Virginia. He was in the Cuba conflict. When he proposed, I said, ‘I’m Catholic; you’re Catholic. We get married but once. If you don’t like it, sorry, you’ll never get a divorce.’ It can’t be ‘I’ – it has to be ‘we.’ You give and take. Sometimes I get the ‘I,’ sometimes he does. But we work together on that.” 

Kirby: ‘‘I was in the Navy. We went all over the place. The only way to make it is by believing in the Lord. The thing that held us more together was that we believed in God. We never roamed away from the church. We always stuck together.”

Juanita and Jimmy Sirgo

St. Angela Merici, Metairie

Jimmy: “I was at Southern Printing Company, and she worked a block away at Imperial Trading. She used to pass every morning to go get coffee. I kept seeing her and seeing her, so finally I decided to go buy her coffee. I bought her a cup of coffee, and from then on I was hooked. I have no idea what to tell young people who are engaged because we got along good all the time. I hear sometimes they get mad.” 

Juanita: “I believe you should never go to bed mad. So if you have something that’s upsetting you, get it off your chest. One person or the other is going to give in and say, ‘Well, yeah, you were right.’ Most of the time it was me! ‘You’re right, I was wrong.’ Just go on from there. When you love somebody, it is still a very deep love. I adore him. And I tell him all the time that God sent him to me. I said my novenas and I told the Lord what I thought was important in a man for me, and I said, ‘Now, Lord, find someone that’s right for me. Put him in my path and then give me the wisdom to recognize him when you send him.’ We dated for three months. I went home and I told my mother, ‘I met the man I’m going to marry, and she said, ‘Oh, after only three months? He proposed already?’ I said, ‘No, Momma, he doesn’t have a clue!’ But I recognized that this was the man God sent me, and it has been a perfect union. I adore him, and he feels the same way. He’s got the gift of gab. I told the Lord, ‘I need a man who can make me laugh’ because laughter’s good for the soul. He could always make me laugh without even trying. It was magical. I just knew after dating him for a short while that he was who God sent me. We’ve had our disagreements, but on the whole it was, ‘OK, I’m sorry, it was a dumb thing to do’ and we never went to bed mad and angry with each other. That’s my best advice: Get it off your chest. If you have something to say, sit down and talk about it because it festers if you keep it in, and before you know it, you have a big explosion.”

Maribeth and Cyril Guerrera

Our Lady of the Lake, Mandeville

Maribeth: “The secret has been just enjoying each other. He agrees with me, I agree with him. Sometimes we don’t agree, so we meet in the middle.”

Cyril: We just kind of let things settle on their own. I have to say Maribeth has been there for me and with me through the good times and the bad times. In a lot of the bad situations that we’ve had – and we haven’t had any really serious bad things, but a few – Maribeth’s been the one who’s had to give me the bad news a lot of times. She’s been a rock and a strength in a lot of ways.”

Maribeth: “I would tell young couples, don’t give up. Work at it, because the only way you’re going to stay together is if you work at it.”  

Karen and Michael McShan

Our Lady of the Lake, Mandeville

Michael: “One of the secrets is saying, ‘Yes, you’re right. Let’s do it your way!’ There’s a lot of give and take and compromise. Don’t spend many years looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right because you just don’t know. The main thing is to compromise and build upon love and stay with it. Don’t give up too easily.

Karen: “The support of family and your children keep you motivated and set the example. We moved around a lot, and that was very difficult. We lived in many different states.”

Michael: “We lived here; Baton Rouge; Houston; Flint, Michigan; Minneapolis; Detroit and back here again. I was with General Motors in parts operations. I stayed with them for 37 years.”

Karen: “When you moved, you did everything to get your children situated and acclimated because sometimes, as they got older, it was more difficult. My time was spent on that, and Mike’s time was spent on adjusting to a new job and a new position. When we were in Flint, Mike would leave on Tuesday and come back on Friday. I had never been in a place where it snowed or had cold weather. It was whole new life. You have to be patient.”

Judi and Mike Diedling

St. Luke the Evangelist, Slidell

Judi and Mike are the archdiocesan coordinators for Retrou­vaille/Rediscovery, a Catholic Church-sponsored program for those in seriously hurting marriages. Couples of all faiths are welcomed to attend Retrouvaille weekends. The Diedlings made their Retrouvaille weekend in November 1993. Call the Family Life Apostolate at 861-6243.

Mike: “My first thought about this day is that when we got married, I didn’t have a clue. My second thought  was, God gave me this person sitting next to me to help us both get through.”

Judi: “It is a journey. It is absolutely amazing that we are here. We look at the graces. It is the grace that carries us through so much. We’ve learned that it’s not the feelings; it’s the commitment. And that keeps you going and focused.”

Mike: “I never thought today would have been possible.”

Judi: “Back then it was day to day. But, actually, that’s what marriage is. It is day to day. I would tell couples to put God in your life. Prayer becomes such an important part of your relationship, and it keeps you focused. You have to have God in your life in order for you to pursue not only marriage but raising your children and continuing the commitment. Pray together.”

WHEN WE GOT MARRIED IN 1967!

Deacon David Farinelli is the jovial master of ceremonies at the archdiocese’s annual Golden Wedding Anniversary prayer service.

With the help of the internet, Deacon Farinelli offers a retrospective on what was going on during the year (1967) when the couples got married.

Here are a few 1967 tidbits:

President: Lyndon Johnson

Vice president: Hubert  Humphrey

Life expectancy: 70.2 years. “A lot of you are living a long time,” Deacon Farinelli said, smiling.

Rolling Stone magazine was first published.

The Arab-Israeli six-day war was waged.

The first human-to-human heart transplant was performed in South Africa. The patient lived 18 days.

Thurgood Marshall was appointed as the first African-American Supreme Court Justice.

Amana introduced the microwave. “That was the best!” Deacon Farinelli said.

TV favorites were “Family Affair,” “The Dean Martin Show” and “Get Smart.”

The average cost of a new home was $14,424; average income was $7,305; a new car cost $2,724; a movie ticket was $1.25; gasoline was 33 cents a gallon; and a first-class stamp was 5 cents.

“We had some good stuff,” Deacon Farinelli said. “The best thing is that you’re married. The better thing is you’re still together. We celebrate that today.”