Finding God’s will in the darkness requires listening

By Kristen Bourgeois, NOLACatholicParenting.org

Have you ever felt stuck?  About a year ago, I was trying to discern God’s will for me, and it was a bit of a struggle.  

I was in a job that was very emotional and stressful. But it was more than just the job that had been frustrating me; the stress of this job was affecting my personal life. I had been praying to know God’s will for me. Should I stay at my job? Should I leave? If I leave, where will I go? What will I do?

So many questions that it got a bit overwhelming, and my head would spin so fast that I had to take a break from asking God what his will is for me. 

It’s like when you are driving along and get stuck in mud. The harder I pushed my questions and worries, the more the tires  would spin, and I couldn’t move forward.  

I persevered in prayer because I had had this hunger to know Christ better. I even went on a three-day silent retreat. And honestly, I went on that retreat because I was just so desperate and wanting to hear God tell me where to go in my life. Just give me the directions, so I can get to where I’m going already!  

God didn’t reveal my much-requested road map on that retreat. Not because he couldn’t, but because I realized how can I know God’s will for me, if I don’t know God? 

I recognize that in the past, sin had kept me from hearing God in my life. But what about now? I’ve had a conversion. I am faithful in attending Mass, adoration and going to confession regularly. What is this giant roadblock in my midst?  

And then I realized, if I don’t know Christ, I mean really know Christ, how can I follow him? How can I hear God if I don’t recognize God’s voice?

In discerning God’s will for my career, I was being called to a deeper level in my relationship with Christ – a relationship formed over time. For me, it was first conversion and repentance and then healing. Then came listening for me.  

I recognized I was being called to move again closer to Christ and get to know him better. Who better to learn about God than from his only son, Jesus Christ? I took time to read Scripture and meditate on his word because knowing God is knowing his will. God provided me with the grace I needed to step out in faith and I landed a job at Camp Abbey. I’ve learned God’s plans for me are always better than the plans I have for myself.  

Kristen Bourgeois is a wife and mother who grew up in New York and now calls New Orleans home. She was a police detective for 15 years investigating crimes. She currently assists her husband with youth ministry at St. Jane de Chantal and works at Camp Abbey. Kristen had a conversion while a detective and seeks to help working parents find peace in our chaotic world. Hearing God’s voice and finding ways to pray is a passion of Kristen’s. She loves to discover a new chaplet or prayer app and share the Good News! She loves adventure, traveling on horseback, glamping, puppies and watching “Phineas and Ferb” episodes.

Please send comments to [email protected]. Visit the blog featuring three new posts a week at www.nolacatholicparenting.org.