Explaining common questions about marriage validity

Q. I have two upcoming marriages in my family; I’ve been wondering how they are each viewed in the eyes of the church, and I’m hoping that you can help. First, my nephew (a baptized Catholic, but currently not attending church) is marrying a Methodist. Because his family has had trouble with their parish priest, who has not been welcoming to them, they are going to be married by a minister in a Methodist church.

If my nephew wants to continue practicing the Catholic faith and goes to confession, can he still receive holy Communion at Mass after he’s married in the Methodist church? (I told his grandmother that he could.) Also, could a priest be at the wedding to bless it, and if he is, would it then be recognized by the Catholic Church?

Next, my niece is marrying a Baptist. They are getting married in a Catholic church with a priest presiding, but they are not having a Mass. Can I assume that this is still considered a valid sacrament of marriage? (City of origin withheld)

A. You raise a host of issues, and since a fair amount of confusion reigns among Catholics regarding interfaith weddings, let me try to answer your questions one by one and as plainly as possible.

First, what you told your nephew’s grandmother is incorrect. If he were to go ahead and get married in a non-Catholic ceremony without Catholic approval, his marriage would not be recognized by the church.

Though still a Catholic, he would have separated himself from full participation in the church and should not receive Communion. His going to confession would not “cure” that situation, because he would still be living outside the church’s guidelines on marriage.

The solution, though, is easier than you think. If the wedding has not yet taken place, they can be married in the Methodist Church (with or without a Catholic priest present) and have it recognized by the Catholic Church – provided that neither one has been married previously and that they meet in advance with a priest and provide him with the information he will need to seek diocesan permission for the wedding.

The Catholic party (your nephew) will need to promise that he will be faithful to his Catholic faith and that he will do all that he can, within the context of the marriage, to see that any children are baptized and raised as Catholics. It will be recommended that he seek the sacrament of penance before the wedding, particularly since he has been away from the regular practice of the faith.

It would not be unusual for such a wedding to take place in a Methodist church, especially when that is the parish of the bride. If a Catholic priest can also be present at the ceremony to say a prayer of blessing, all the better; this usually makes the Catholic family feel more comfortable, but it is not required for validity.

If, by the time you read this, the wedding has already taken place without Catholic approval, there is still a solution. The couple should meet with a Catholic priest of their choosing to provide the necessary information, and the priest – having obtained diocesan permission – will do what is called technically a “convalidation”; i.e., the couple will repeat their vows in the priest’s presence and bless their marriage, which will then be recognized in the Catholic Church’s eyes.

Your nephew will then be in full communion with the Catholic Church and free to share completely in the sacramental life of the church. Your niece’s situation is simpler. Clearly, they will be married in the church’s eyes. A Mass is not required for the sacrament of marriage.

When two Catholics marry, ordinarily they do so within the context of the Mass, since the Eucharist is the supreme act of worship and the couple is seeking the fullness of God’s blessings.

With a mixed marriage (such as a wedding between a Catholic and a Protestant), the couple is free to have a Mass if they so desire. More frequently, though, they opt for a wedding ceremony apart from the Eucharist – i.e., with prayers, Scriptural readings, petitions, the exchange of vows and blessings – and this is what I normally recommend.

I believe that a wedding ceremony ought to highlight what unites the couple rather than what divides them. (It’s awkward when half the church is unfamiliar with the ritual and unable to take Communion.) What I often do in this situation is offer to celebrate Mass for the Catholic family (and anyone else who might wish to attend) at a different point in the weekend.

Q. I was married outside the church in 1979. In 2003, I was divorced. I am a practicing Catholic and attend Mass regularly. Is it all right for me to receive holy Communion? And if I were to remarry, could I be married in the church? (Hope, Ark.)

A. I would guess that you continued to attend Mass even after your 1979 marriage, and that was the right choice. Far too often, someone who has been married outside the church gives up going to Mass at all, feeling that it is pointless since they have separated themselves from participating fully. But being present at the Eucharist, besides offering comfort and guidance in life’s challenges, can also prompt people to regularize their status in the church so as to be eligible to take Communion.

If you have not done so yet, you should first receive the sacrament of penance. Tell the priest of your 1979 marriage outside the church, as well as any other serious matters since the time of your last confession. Then, having been forgiven, you would by all means be welcome to receive holy Communion.

If you are contemplating remarriage, you should meet with a priest to fill out a short questionnaire regarding your 1979 marriage. The priest would then submit this paperwork to your diocesan marriage tribunal for a determination of what is called technically the “Absence of Canonical Form” – i.e., a decision that the 1979 marriage ceremony did not “count” in the eyes of the Catholic Church. This normally has a very short turnaround, a few weeks maybe – not the full-scale annulment process, since your 1979 ceremony never was recognized by the church as valid. Having done this, you would then be free to be married in a Catholic ceremony, with a Mass if you so choose.

Q. I am involved in a long-distance relationship and would appreciate your advice. My girlfriend is a Filipina living and working in Hong Kong. (I was a Peace Corps volunteer in the Philippines.) We have been corresponding for four years and have now decided on marriage.

I intend to fly to the Philippines to ask her parents for their daughter’s hand in marriage. (This is important in the culture of the Philippines.) If they accept, we will try to fly them to the (United) States for our wedding.

Our problem is this. We are both devout Catholics, and we want to do things properly. Our understanding is that the church requires six months of pre-Cana counseling. However, a fiancee visa requires that we marry within three months of her arrival in the (U.S.). Also, she would like to get married on her birthday, which is Dec. 15, and I am not sure how appropriate it is to get married during Advent. Please let me know your thoughts. (Columbia, S.C.)

A. I support your desire “to do things properly” and your focus on the pre-Cana sessions. I have found the pre-Cana program to be an important aid to couples as they approach marriage. It helps them assess their readiness for marriage, to identify areas of their relationship that might need extra work and to reflect on how they can bring God into their marriage as their hidden strength and “silent partner.”

I believe, though, that you may be overstating the rigor of the requirement. True, many parishes require couples to register for their marriage at least six months before their wedding date. This ensures that there will be adequate time to fill out the necessary paperwork, to register for and complete the required counseling and to select the prayers, readings and music for the ceremony.

Each bishop approves a pre-Cana program for his diocese, but typically the sessions take nowhere near six months. In our diocese, a number of parishes conduct their own pre-Cana sessions, but couples also are free to choose one of the two diocesan-sponsored programs of pre-Cana.

One is an all-day Saturday program; the other has two sessions that can each last two to three hours and is offered at various times during the week. (This second option begins with the completion of a Myers-Briggs personality profile and highlights how people of different personality types can blend harmoniously.)

I believe that if you present your situation to your local pastor, you can craft a workable plan of marriage preparation.

As for your other concern, be assured that a Catholic wedding can indeed take place during the season of Advent. Some parishes do not schedule marriages on Saturday evenings or on Sundays, so that the priest can give adequate attention to the parish’s weekend Masses.

If a wedding is allowed on an Advent Sunday, the liturgy (prayers and readings) for the Sunday Mass is used, with the vows and blessings for marriage inserted.

But there is no liturgical prohibition of weddings during Advent. (Couples may be asked to keep in mind the penitential nature of the season and to tone down the flowers and other decorations.) Again, talk with your pastor and a suitable arrangement should be easy.

Questions may be sent to Father Kenneth Doyle at ask [email protected] and 40 Hopewell St., Albany, NY 12208.