Even in times of change, you never walk alone

    As the school year begins, mixed feelings arise. For students, feelings of excitement mingle with sadness as the summer officially comes to a close, while parents, may feel relief mixed with sadness as the house empties.
    I usually anticipate the beginning of the fall semester, looking forward to buying new school supplies and seeing which books I’ll be reading for class. This fall, however, as I begin the last phase of my graduate career by starting the doctoral program, there seems to be something missing as I look toward the coming semester with anxiety and concern.
    If I had to aptly title each chapter of my life, I would title the most recent one as “The Summer of Change.”
    Only recently have I begun to realize just how changed this upcoming semester will be. As I received an email from the head of the department with an outline for orientation, I began to think of last year’s orientation and remembered going to dinner with my friends afterward to celebrate the beginning of the school year. Preparing to compose an email to be sent out to those same girls, I had to quickly stop and stare at the blank message as I came to the realization that this year, though I will be attending the same school in the same department, I’ll be alone.
    I have always hated saying goodbye. My parents love to recall my first day of eighth grade as my brother and I prepared to separate for the first time as we went to single-sex high schools. Dropping him off, my mom brought me to school, whereupon I collapsed into tears as I realized that I had forgotten my lunch. In reality, I was scared and feeling alone as I prepared to leave the car, after saying goodbye to my brother and parents.
    This year, goodbye seems to have been a recurring theme. Saying goodbye to my parents, I’ve headed to St. Louis and started a home, and once in St. Louis, for the past two weeks, I’ve said goodbye as both of my close friends have departed the city to begin the next phases of their own lives.
    Three years ago, as I started the master’s program, I remember entering orientation and feeling very much like my eighth-grade self. For the first time, I was more than two hours away from home, living by myself. In my undergraduate, I had at least known a few people going to my college and I had the notion, in the back of my mind, that I was not too far from home and my parents could easily come to visit me.
    At that first orientation, I realized that I was alone, preparing to embark on a strenuous and stressful time in life, and my parents, friends and my future husband would not be there. Facing these realizations, I sat down overwhelmed, sitting next to who would become my closest friend in the department.
    Two weeks ago, as I brought this same friend, her husband and child to the airport, and later as I helped another friend pack her apartment into a moving truck, I came home and collapsed into tears. When I first moved to St. Louis, these friends were all I had; they became my family, showing me around the city, sharing the same stress that each graduate student undergoes. In my best and worst times, for the past two years, these girls have been by my side, emphasizing that God places people in our lives when he knows we need them most. As this school year starts, I’m sad and, for the first time in my life, I don’t feel the excitement for the semester as I have in the past.
    Battling these feelings, I went to Mass after saying my final goodbye for the summer. In the homily, the priest began talking of change and the upcoming changes that households will be facing, as well as change within our own parish. But he reminded us that in the midst of all change, we are never alone, for we have our faith and we know that God will always walk beside us and guide us.
    As I sat in the pew, my exhaustion and sadness seemed to drift away as I realized that despite the changes I’ve faced this summer, God has guided me to this very point in my life and will continue to do so. We are never alone, even in those times when we feel abandoned and lost. It’s important for us to remind ourselves of the guiding presence of our faith in our lives, and begin to understand and welcome the idea that, just to remind us of his love and presence, there will always be certain people who come into our lives when we need them most; we just have to seek them out.
    Heather Bozant Witcher can be reached at [email protected]