Especially in challenging days, marriage calls us to unity

By Chris O'Neill
Contributing writer

As I sit down to write this little article, with an aim to write something encouraging and uplifting about marriage and family life, my mind is filled with the many difficulties and problems that surround us these days.  

It has been a very difficult year, to say the least. Like many of you, I feel tired and frustrated and even sad from all that we have had to endure and apprehensive of what the Lord will continue to ask of us in the coming months and years.  

It’s not just that we are all stressed from COVID, hurricanes, financial reorganization, political unrest and any of the laundry list of problems 2020 has served up to us. Surely these have affected us all and we all, in one way or another, bear the bruises from being kicked around more than usual.  

But as one given the privilege to participate in the ministry of leadership within the Archdiocese of New Orleans, perhaps the most trying difficulty has been the many levels of animosity and division I’ve seen within the community of the church on an almost daily basis. Surely, much of the world we live in has rejected the call of the Gospel and sets itself against the life-giving message of Jesus Christ we strive to proclaim every day.

Jesus cautioned us
This has always been the experience of the church in the world, and Jesus taught us to expect it (Matthew 10:24). The opposition of the world should not be discouragement to the disciple of Christ, but a cause of rejoicing (Luke 6:22).  

What is discouraging, however, is seeing this division seep into the life of the church. Even within the church – among us women and men of goodwill who, each in our own way, and by the light of the understanding given to us, are striving to live out the Gospel as best as we can – misunderstanding, animosity and division arise.  

I suppose it is understandable – we are not at our best when we are in pain. Anyone in pain is liable to lash out in anger and blame the person who is closest or the easiest target. Pain alone is enough to make one angry and impatient, and a lot of us are in pain these days.

We may wish we were more perfect and were able to easily overlook the insult, to turn the other cheek, but that is not easy to do when the other cheek is already bruised. As Archbishop Aymond recently said, it is a difficult time to be a Catholic Christian!

But this is exactly where the grace of marriage and family life comes to our aid. Every married couple, every genuine family, must learn to live within this dynamic.

Live faithfully in tough times
We commit to marriage “all the days of our life,” not just on the good days. We are not always at our best. Sometimes we are tired, hurt and grow impatient with seemingly never-ending problems. And in the reality of family life, when one is suffering, usually so is everyone else.

This is where families, by the grace of God, are called to live. None of us gets to be above the fray. We all live with the duty to be patient when patience has run out, to try once more to understand when we are most confused, frustrated and exhausted. In the end, the call of family life is to love beyond our natural capacity to love. This is the life of grace, the life in Christ who strengthens us and renews us and calls us ever forward toward himself. This is what families do! 

Yes, there are real misunderstandings, frustrations and even some serious wounds within the community of the church. Christ calls us to attend to these with diligence, patience and grace to be sure. But perhaps it is more important to recall that despite our difficulties, we remain related to one another in a bond of love.  

We remain sons and daughters of a Father who in the gift of his Son gives us every good gift and blessing. We are brothers and sisters who, though wounded, are doing our best with what we’ve got. 

Perhaps, then, we can entertain the thought that the brother or sister with whom we disagree may be acting with genuine good will and on the basis of an understanding that is not yet ours. After all, this is the path that every family is called to walk.  

Chris O’Neill is director of the Office of Marriage and Family Life. He can be reached at coneill@arch-no.org.