Couple learned how to communicate long distance

When Catherine Wise met John Simmons for the first time, she found a smart, handsome guy who was intriguing and entertaining. But she discovered a deal breaker – he lived in Washington, D.C., and was embarking on law school at American University; and her home was in New Orleans, working with Mignon Faget.

“The funny thing about this is I was never going to do a long-distance relationship,” Wise said. “And, then we met, and I thought, ‘Oh, there are good people out there, and I will find my man’ – not thinking he was the man.”

Simmons found Catherine bright, accomplished and an easy conversationalist.

“She’s professional, spiritual, interesting – all these wonderful qualities rolled into one,” he said. “That was a very attractive package.”

Unexpectedly, their relationship blossomed over occasional dinners during that first summer when he was in New Orleans, and Wise’s long-distance rule dissolved.

“By the end of the summer, I said, ‘I will date you; I will do this. Go to D.C., and we will figure it out.’”

An 80-mile romance
Fortuitously, LSU Law School – where he had been wait-listed – accepted Simmons before his return to D.C. So, the long distance wasn’t so far, just 80 miles west in Baton Rouge. Over their subsequent three dating years, they learned the art of phone conversation and much about each other.

“I think I put her through a lot of stress,” Simmons lamented about that first year. “But in a way that was good because I could see that I liked this person (not knowing if he would spend his life with her). … I think we discovered fairly quickly that this was something that was worth it.”

“If it wasn’t going to work, we would have figured it out by then,” Wise said. “We had these three years of weekend romance, stealing a weekday every once in awhile. I think it brought us closer.”

Both Wise and Simmons had been baptized and grew up Catholic, but they realized that during their adulthood, Catherine’s faith was stronger. She was an active parishioner and an extraordinary minister of holy Communion at Good Shepherd Parish in Uptown New Orleans and knew she
wanted a traditional Catholic church wedding there.

“I was clear on the front end this is what I expect,” Wise said.

Online preparation helped
They met with Msgr. Christopher Nalty, pastor at Good Shepherd, and he steered them toward an online marriage preparation they could do separately, but discuss together.

“Most Catholic couples I know have done the class for a day,” Simmons said. “Msgr. Nalty said he liked the online course. You get a lot of interaction and a lot of emails from another couple. You fill out these worksheets (several hours each session), and it made us sit and talk.”

They laughed when they discussed getting comments back on the worksheets praising Simmons’ observations over hers.

“It was funny, her being the more Catholic out of the two of us,” Simmons said. “We would argue about these things, and she would get frustrated with me when we would get our responses back. ‘Great insight, John.’”

“I went to Catholic school all my life, and you’re getting all the praise,” Wise would joke to him. “It was a great process,” Wise said. “It also surprised you (John) on how much you enjoyed it. He was afraid they would judge him because he didn’t go to Catholic school or church regularly. And it wasn’t that at all.”

It was a time commitment they found valuable – giving Simmons a renewed appreciation for the Catholic faith, and affirming Wise’s belief that Simmons would be committed to a Catholic marriage and family life.

“Not that I had any doubt that he would be the best husband in the world, but for me, it confirmed that he was committed to practicing the Catholic faith with me and starting our marriage in that,” Wise said. “For me it was non-negotiable. You get married in the Catholic Church, and I wanted our marriage to be based in the Catholic Church, and I think I didn’t know that. He was saying, ‘Yeah, that’s fine.’ But, once we went through the course, I realized he had put forth the effort, and he was in. It was confirmation that I chose the right person. He’s going to be present and not going to fake it. He wants God in our marriage.”

“I saw very much where she was coming from, where her faith was grounded,” Simmons said. “There was a reason behind what she believed. We would have long and serious discussions about things. We’d have to explain our positions,
and I think those things demonstrated her commitment to her faith to me, but also gave me an idea of where she was coming from and why it was important and what she was getting out of and what I could get out of it.”

“Then we did our FOCCUS questions right after with Msgr. Nalty and discovered the prep went through a lot of the same things the FOCCUS conversation we had with him,” Wise said. “(Msgr. Nalty) would start on something, and we finished his thoughts. He was like, ‘I’m going to make all the couples take this class before we do this.’”

In addition to the online prep and FOCCUS, Msgr. Nalty asked the couple to complete the Natural Family Planning course.

“Some of the stuff we learned in our Natural Family Planning course has informed (us on) some things (about having children),” John said. “You are aware of certain things going on in you that you might not have known.”

End game left to Wise
They were engaged for a little less than a year. Wise said Simmons was finishing law school in Baton Rouge and studying for the bar as their wedding approached. And, then she set up their new home in Lafayette while he was studying the week before the wedding.

“That was hard for me,” she said, but he was involved in all the major decisions beforehand.

The saving grace was Wise’s involvement at Good Shepherd Parish and the relationships she had built there over the years.

“It’s easier when you know everybody; it made it that much more special,” she said. “I deferred to the experts. I had talked to the monsignor, the musicians, the organist and Dixie (Williams, wedding planner). I said, ‘OK, you guys do this all the time, this is what I like, help me,’ and they were phenomenal.”

Msgr. Nalty made the very family-oriented ceremony – with 19 male attendants and nine bridesmaids – special.

“I felt like he really knew us,” Wise said. “In the homily, Monsignor touched on being in the church in a sacred ceremony. … He explained (the sacrament of marriage) was like a hair braid. It looks like two strands but there are really three strands, and the third strand is God. So God is there. You may not always see it but he is there. He is what really connects you. … I liked that.”

Getting married in the church, as opposed to on a beach or in a hotel, also added a solemnity to the occasion.

“You stand before God and everyone you’ve ever met in your life, and it’s intimidating but also appropriate,” Simmons said.

Family important
Being surrounded by big families is common to both of them since their fathers have lots of siblings.

“Family for both of us was an attractive quality. I saw my parents all the time; and he saw his parents.” Wise said.

They discovered something else they shared – their parents have the same anniversary – Aug. 17, 1974. Catherine and John Simmons chose a week earlier 39 years later.

“We thought about it, but it was getting too close to hurricane season and were like, no. … It would make a great story, but let’s have our own date.”

The Simmons now live in Lafayette, within 30-40 minutes of both sets of parents and are open to starting their own family. They’ve also found a Catholic church and pastor they also love – St. Mary’s and Father Harold Trahan – near their home. They say it’s traditional and welcoming like
Good Shepherd.

“We’ve been lucky to have good priests in our lives,” Wise said.

But New Orleans is never too far away. Catherine Simmons commutes to New Orleans for work when necessary, and John is the sixth generation in the McIlhenny Tabasco company and often travels on business. They visit friends and family here often.

“We are keeping our New Orleans roots, back and forth,” John Simmons said. “It was very important to both of us. We love New Orleans. … I think, and Cathy agrees, it’s one of the most interesting cities in America.”

Christine Bordelon can be reached at cbordelon@clarionherald.org.

—-