Catholic grief ministries provide needed support

   
    WASHINGTON (CNS) –Although people often feel alone after the death of a loved one, they can find support from parishioners who help coordinate funeral Masses and parish bereavement groups that provide coping skills.
    One of the ways some parishes minister to the bereaved is through the Arimathean ministry which prepares and coordinates funeral Masses.
    The ministry derives its name from St. Joseph of Arimathea, who, according to all four Gospels, asked for the body of the crucified Christ from Pontius Pilate to give him a proper burial in a tomb the saint donated.
    Jack Costello directs the Arimathean Society at Holy Redeemer Church in the Washington suburb of Kensington, Md.
    “It is one of the seven virtues to bury the dead,” Costello said.
    The duties of the Arimatheans include setting out vessels and bread and wine, lighting altar candles, as well as serving as lectors, extraordinary ministers of holy Communion, altar servers, ushers and greeters for the funeral Mass.
    At Holy Redeemer the society includes 15 parishioners, all retirees, who find their volunteer service rewarding, Costello said. No volunteer helps with more than three funerals a year and usually three members are needed for a service.
    “Although families may not see the direct benefit of our work,” Costello said, “it is virtually impossible for the pastor to run the service without us.”
    Patricia McConville runs a six-week bereavement program co-sponsored by two Melrose, Mass., parishes: St. Mary of the Annunciation and Incarnation of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, where she has been involved for many years.
    In the program, McConville and a facilitator discuss different topics and encourage attendees to participate or remain quiet if they prefer. After the sessions end, participants often try to keep in touch with one another to continue the healing process.
    “The main thing is to create a safe, confidential space for them to be together and share whatever is in their hearts,” McConville said in an e-mail.
    She said the ministry is important because “people often feel so isolated, confused, abandoned and desperate after they lose someone.”
    “The only way to heal is to walk through grief, but it doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. In Scripture they see that Jesus himself experienced what they are going through. At this most critical time in their lives, our church is there to comfort, not judge,” McConville added.
    The bereavement program teaches coping skills that can help the grievers in the short term and long term. Grievers learn to accept themselves, deal more calmly with family, have realistic expectations for themselves and others, and find ways to honor and remember their loved ones.
    People benefit from the ministry, according to McConville, because they begin to understand that symptoms they are experiencing are normal.
    At the national level is the National Catholic Ministry to the Bereaved, a faith-based ministry established in 1990 to provide grief support to individuals, parishes and organizations.
    “Our biggest obstacle is getting the public to be aware that we are out there to offer our help,” said staffer Georgia Zarbo.
    The organization offers educational classes for bereavement ministers and sells support resources including books, brochures and pamphlets for both grievers and ministers. All types of grief are dealt with including death, job loss, divorce and even the death of a beloved pet.
    Currently, the organization has more than 500 members from all across the U.S. and from Guam, Ireland, Canada and elsewhere.
    The ministry is based in St. Louis. Its website, www.grief work.org, offers information on membership and its various resources.
    “We feel this is a very important ministry,” Zarbo said, noting that the organization was created following a survey conducted by the U.S. bishops that “identified what supplemental support parishes wanted for their ministries” and is focused on identifying how it “can help them bring comfort and meaning” to those who are experiencing loss.