Book on grief to help others came from experience

That’s how long Melanie Baker Trimarco, a Divine Mercy parishioner in Kenner, was married to Mark Trimarco of Chicago.
     

Yet, their marriage was much more than their minutes, hours or days together. Their union exemplified the vows of “in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.”
    

Their Catholic sacrament of marriage, commitment to each other and strong faith are chronicled in a book, “And I Love You So,” that Melanie wrote after her husband’s death. It was recently published by The Round Table Companies and is available at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com.
    

“I wanted to share our story to help others who may be walking their grief journey,” Trimarco wrote. 
    

She wants Catholic couples embarking on marriage to seriously consider their wedding vows, considering how easy it is today to walk away from commitment when it gets tough, Trimarco said. She proves it isn’t always the best response.
    

“When you are in the midst of wedding planning, it’s all about the happiness and joy,” she said. “It’s not ‘if’ those sad times will come. … It is ‘when.’ I think when we get married, we think we will deal with it later in life: Am I that committed to my word with this person – to stick it out through thick and thin? My faith always kept me firmly grounded, and Mark helped me to appreciate the now. It was a gift he gave me that I didn’t realize at the time (through the sickness).”
 

She chronicled their journey
    

Trimarco grew up in a faith-filled family in Metairie and was taught the power of love, prayer and family sticking together during trying times. Her belief in saints, especially St. Joseph, as powerful intercessors was modeled by her mom and grandmother through nine-day novenas. She graduated from St. Christopher Elementary School and Archbishop Chapelle High School, where faith was further reinforced. 
    

After college, she focused on her management career, eventually landing in Chicago. In 2001, at age 35, she was ready to settle down and find true love. Often out of town, she took a chance on match.com. That’s where she met Mark Trimarco, a banker and Chicago native.
 

Believing without seeing
    

She literally fell in love on the phone, she said, before they ever met – saying he projected strength, kindness, thoughtfulness and someone with a generous heart who loved to surprise. On their first date, he brought flowers, candy and the movie, “You’ve Got Mail,” which is about an email romance.
    

“We were truly blessed to find each other,” she said. “God knew we needed each other and put us together.”
    

She wrote: “I prayed for a partner, a lover and a friend to share my life with. Out of all the men on this earth, God chose Mark for me. God chose me for Mark.”
    

They had such a connection, that they were engaged in two months. Marriage prep reinforced their compatibility, and they were married a year later in October 2002 at St. Francis Xavier Church in Metairie.
    

A gem of advice from her father – compromise is “what will help you maintain a strong union” – rang true. 
    

Trimarco encountered her first compromise when Mark wanted to stay in Chicago. Considering her job was based there, she acquiesced.
    

Their God-arranged union was visible throughout their marriage, she said, mentioning the first “better or worse vow marker” was not being able to conceive children, which they both wanted; the second, Mark being sick (with amyloidosis and countless hospitalizations for pneumonia, lymphoma and many other complications) over nine years of their 15-year marriage. Melanie was his advocate.
    

She surmised that God knew best – though she didn’t always see it immediately – and came to understand how difficult it would have been to raise children during Mark’s illness. 
    

“God knew what was in store for us the moment we connected,” she writes. “God knew Mark and I would not live together to a ripe old age. God knew Mark would encounter illness after illness. God knew I would have the strength to stand by his side. God knew we needed one another.” 
    

She credits God-given strength and prayers by so many for her endurance through his death, which came on Oct. 9, 2017.
    

“It was everybody else’s voices and prayers to God and the angels holding me up,” she said. “We are not doing this by ourselves. Our God is there with us every step of the way.”
 

Journaling helped her 
    

While Trimarco journaled at various times in her life, journaling during Mark’s last year, when he was bedridden, was cathartic. Trimarco sensed a calling to help others navigate loss after his death. 
    

“Connecting the dots to God’s hand in our union in marriage and Mark’s death, I felt this was meant for me to share,” she said. “That is how my faith has strengthened. Taking the sadness and grief and turning it into strength for others. My faith has taken me to this place – to carry on in a way that makes me proud and makes Mark proud.”
    

Working through a local grief counselor, she discovered Beginning Experience, a ministry for separated, divorced and widowed persons and children of these losses, in October 2019 and became local chapter president this year. 
    

“I had gone through grieving. But I wanted to come out on the other side,” she said. 
    

She considers her experience with her husband to be one of blind faith.
    

“That is faith to me,” she said. “To say, ‘OK, I didn’t plan on this, but I am making the most out of my experience with my husband on our journey to help others to live.’ After the loss of a loved one, we can’t just stay in this place of sadness. … There are some days of sadness, but we have to carry on, and that’s what Mark would want, and I need to do.”
    

For details about Beginning Experience, email Trimarco at   [email protected]. On the Web:  www.beginningexperience.org.

Christine Bordelon can be reached at [email protected].