Accompanying others through baby loss is a Catholic virtue

Just listen. After losing my son to miscarriage, it was hard to process what had happened. Sometimes, it didn’t even feel real. When others allowed me to talk openly about my experience, I felt less isolated. It validated that my loss mattered.
 

Avoid the urge to fix. “You can always have another baby!” and “At least you can get pregnant” are commonly heard after baby loss. As Catholics, we believe that every human being is valuable and unrepeatable. Bereaved parents inherently know this about their deceased child, and that’s why the grief is so painful. Instead of trying to fix their sorrow, enter into it. Allow yourself to feel what you can of their pain. Realize that the baby is so loved that there is nothing that can be said or done, short of the resurrection, that will make things right. When people showed me compassion, it supported me on my path to healing.
 

Be open. Baby loss can be deeply traumatic, many times leading to panic attacks and even meltdowns. PTSD triggers can be very diverse and very common. For instance, many women struggle afterwards to encounter babies because it is a vivid reminder of what they lost. When discussing baby-specific topics, be open. Be willing to invite a bereaved parent to a baby shower or to hold your baby while also being open to them declining. While it may hurt to be turned down, have compassion for their suffering.
 

Acts of kindness. It is common knowledge that after a couple has a living baby, they may need some TLC. The same is true after miscarriage and stillbirth. Some of the physical side effects of early miscarriage can be debilitating. In some miscarriages and in stillbirths, the woman gives birth the same way as one would to a living child. This is not even to mention the emotional difficulties. Consider sending a meal or watching any other children they may have. Any small act of kindness can be a lifeline at such a devastating time.
 

Bereavement gifts. When a woman has a baby shower, it is, of course, helpful to get much-needed baby items, but the show of support is what is most meaningful. 
 

After my miscarriage, some people sent cards in the mail and another gifted us a potted plant. Those gestures meant the world to me because they helped to memorialize my baby and acknowledged what I was going through. 
Baby loss can be a difficult journey, but accompanying someone on it can be one of the greatest gifts you can ever give.

 

Megan Lacourrege is a wife and mother who resides in Slidell. She is native of St. Bernard and graduated from Tulane University with a double-major in English and musical theatre. She serves as youth director at St. Genevieve Catholic Church. Megan is also the author of the children’s book “My Sibling Still,” for children who have lost a sibling to miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. She aims to provide resources to bereaved parents and siblings on her website www.mysiblingstill.com .
 

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